We are finally in October!! I know it doesn't feel like it since it's still 100 degrees --no sweater weather yet :-)
Most of our students have finally found their rhythm this year --just think only a few months ago their biggest fear was changing classes, lockers, and a new school. But look at them now...they have mastered the art of changing classes! Some have given up on their locks for lockers so that they can quickly grab their books and go, decorations that once adorned their lockers so beautifully may now be torn, broken, or removed. New friendships are being built while old ones may be slowing down-- which can be a hard transition for our students. There are just so many things happening in 5th grade: hormonal changes, academic pressure, relationships (old and new), less outside time and more homework time. You may be seeing changes in your child's behavior you have not see before... you are not alone! Transition years (5th, 7th, 9th) are the hardest for our students... but how do you support your student at home? There are many ways to support and you of course know your student the best. However, one resource I have found to be successful with my students is to teach them how to manage BIG emotions. I have found an article that may help you understand the process and help you support your student at home. I have a printout (see below) hanging on my wall to show my students ways to help them stay calm and/or calm down. You can also find other resources on my website under the "Academic Resources" tab. I hope this is helpful!
~Andrea
The full article can be found here: https://childhood101.com/helping-children-manage-big-emotions/
Here are the highlights from the article:
5 Steps to Managing Big Emotions by:Christie Burnett
1. Remind myself that it is never okay to hurt others. It is important to set clear guidelines about what is acceptable and what is not. In our house, we are not allowed to hurt or be destructive to others or their property. That includes hurting others with our words.
2. Take 3 deep breaths or count slowly to 10. Helping children to understand that these big feelings are completely normal but it is their reaction and actions as a result of those feelings that can hurt others (and ultimately, ourselves), is an important part of the calm down plan. Taking a few deep breaths or slowly counting to ten gives the child time to recognize their body’s warning signs – whether they be a tense body, clenched teeth or racing heart. When making a plan, talk with your child about how their body feels when they are angry or frustrated and then introduce the idea of taking a few breaths to compose themselves and to form a better course of action then striking out at another person.
3. Use my words to say how I feel and what I wish would happen. Acknowledging the big feelings recognizes that these feelings are legitimate and important and saying what they wish would happen helps to open a problem solving conversation. Of course, what they wish would happen won’t always be an acceptable solution for all parties, and this can often be a difficult lesson for children to learn (and virtually impossible for very young children to learn) and they will often need support to work out a more peaceful solution, especially when they are used to striking out when they feel big emotions.
4. Ask for help to solve the problem. As an adult I often find talking through a problem really helps me to process it, and children will often need support as they learn to problem solve and find solutions in social situations. Let your child know that it is okay to ask for help when they don’t feel that they can solve the problem and keep these important channels of communication open, so that one day when they are working on much bigger problems than a spat with a sibling or frustration with a friend, they feel that they can always come to you for help.
5. Take the time I need to calm down. Let your child know that sometimes they just won’t feel that the solution proposed is enough and that they may still feel angry or upset even having worked through each of the above steps, and that in these situations it is often better to walk away or to find another safe way to diffuse those feelings. Next week I will share a range of cool down strategies that children can use to help work through these lingering emotions or to distract themselves from the situation (you can now find this post here). As an adult, it is important to remember that this step is not about isolating the child but about giving them space if they want it, or going to them and supporting them through this final step if they need it.
